yet another 2ww...

Here we are again!!  I think I've been thru around 70 2wws (two-week wait)!  Yuck!  If I'm not pregnant this cycle, I will have to wait until February to try again.  I will be gone for ten days to Honduras during peak time in January.  The surgeon I work for started a surgery center at an orphanage down there and I get to go help!!  I'm super excited, but DH isn't coming with, so no BDing! :(  Oh well, what's one more cycle?
We're looking forward to going up north to spend Christmas with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, nephew and my parents.  It will definitely be nice to have two four-day work weeks in a row too!!

waiting...

Sorry for not updating...lots, yet really nothing going on!  This cycle we added 50mg of Clomid on CD 3-5 and both DH and I took Biaxin (an antibiotic) twice a day for 21 days.  This was in addition to the T3 22.5mcg every 12 hours, 500mg sustained release vitamin B6 and FertileCM cd 8-p+2.  I am currently peak +13 (or 13 dpo) and waiting (for probably the 75th cycle since we started TTC!)....

Last cycle I tested out the last hcg injection on p+9 and thought I still saw a faint + on p+12 or 13, but AF showed up on p+14.  I didn't test it out this time and decided to take a test (dollar store test) this morning, p+13.  There was a faint line within a minute or two and within ten minutes it was very obvious, but not near as dark as the control.  I'm not getting my hopes up though!  I took another test when I got home from work and it was similar, just a tad lighter.  For some reason I decided to buy some digital tests when I was at the store this evening...I have a box of CBE regular tests waiting for me in the cupboard under the sink too!  Ahhhhhh!!!
***Updated*** Today, 11/30, is p+14.  I took another dollar store test and had the same results as yesterday, positive.  But, I still don't know if it's from the hcg injections or a real positive!  I was tired all day today and was super hungry.  I started cramping around 5pm.  They are coming in waves and are pretty bad when here.  I'm pretty sure it's AF though....yep...she's here!  Suck!

I'm going to be leading a small group at our church next year starting the end of January.  The topic will be infertility.  I'm trying to find a Christian-based infertility book that we can use, but I'm having a hard time deciding!  I've ordered probably 8 books online, but am just not sure which one to use.  Have any of you read a book that you really got a lot out of that you would recommend?

Why HCG injections??

This cycle I've been doing 2000iu injections of HCG on P+3, P+5, P+7, and P+9.  This is not how the average MD uses this.  When I was seeing my RE, I did Ovidrel (brandname HCG) 10,000iu to induce ovulation.  Nobody has really asked me why I'm doing the injections this way, but I thought I would clarify here anyways!

Progesterone and HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) are naturally occuring hormones with positive effects on the luteal phase of the cycle. The luteal phase is the day after ovulation to the day before the menstrual flow. It is also known as the secretory phase because the progesterone will cause some more thickening of the endometrium as well as vascularization of the endometrium in case of a pregnancy.


Progesterone does not require the presence of a corpus luteum, the residual of the follicle which produces progesterone. Vaginal progesterone gives higher endometrum levels of progesterone and has a moderate effect on the length of the luteal phase. However, sometimes this approach doesn't work because there are different types of luteal phase defects. For instance, sometimes someone needs more estrogen in the luteal phase as well. This is where HCG comes in handy.


HCG increases post-peak or luteal phase progesterone AND estradiol and prolongs the post-peak or luteal phase. HCG is very similar to LH (lutenizing hormone) and one of its main functions is to stimulate the corpus luteum to continue producing progesterone and estrogen. Thus, HCG sustains the functional life of the corpus luteum.
 
I had my P+7 blood drawn and spun on Wednesday, and I shipped it down to the National Hormone Lab at PPVI (saved me 10 bucks to ship myself, woohoo!).  I called today to see if they got it and they did.  Unfortunately I didn't receive a call with the results and don't think I will during the weekend.  So, I have to wait to see if my progesterone and E2 are better than last cycle.  Oh well!

The Plan

So AF decided to show up early last week.  I had my P+7 bloodwork drawn (it was actually P+8 since I forgot the order form on P+7!) and AF came late the same evening! 
I called in for my CD1 chart review, but since they were waiting on the bloodwork to arrive, they only thing they told me to start was the T3 (triiodothyronine).  I have to take that every 12 hours to the minute.  That also includes taking my temperature when I wake up and then again at 11am, 2pm and 5pm. 
My b/w arrived on Friday.  I didn't think it would get there so quick, so that was nice! My progesterone was very low at 2.2 (normal is 13) and my estradiol was 4 (normal is 12).


My new plan from Dr. H is:
-start Vitamin B6 500mg sustained release once daily
-start taking FertileCM as directed on day 8 thru P+2
-do P+7 blood draw for progesterone and estradiol every cycle and ship to PPVI lab
-begin HCG injections 2000 units this cycle at P+3, +5, +7, +9

I'm super excited to be doing more than taking a prenatal and recovering from surgery!!  It is a lot to remember, but I'm sure I figure it real quick!

Update

Sorry I didn't post on Tuesday.  There really isn't too much to report after my 6 week check-in.  I am cleared to exercise now, which I'm super excited about!  I need to really work on rebuilding muscle again!  Dr. H wants me to have bloodwork drawn Peak+7 (seven days past ovulation) and sent down to the hormone lab in Omaha.  Then I have to fax my charts to the clinic and will do a chart review on CD1.  Soooo, nothing really changes until they look at my charts to see if anything has changed from surgery.  I'm guessing I'll do the compounded T3 for my T4/T3 ratio and then either Clomid or Femara and/or hcg injections to help with my maturing my eggs for better ovulation.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  I'm going to a sports medicine conference tomorrow all day and Saturday morning.  I get to babysit my niece and nephew tomorrow evening.  It will be nice to actually pick them up and hold them if I want to!!

check this out!

I'm five weeks post-op tomorrow.  I started back to work full-time today.  Things went well last week going part-time and I was only adding in desk time by going full.  Nothing else going on here.  I will be calling for my six week post-op check next Tuesday and hopefully will be going over my 'PLAN'!!  I'm so excited to be starting this next phase of Dr. H's treatment!

Speaking of Dr. H....sometimes it's hard to explain who he is, why I drove all the way to Omaha to see him, and what exactly he does different from other doctors.  So...if you really want to know it all, check out his new book!  I got it last week and it's awesome!  I feel like I'm inside his head when reading it and everything makes even more sense than before.  If you've been told you're "unexplained", don't believe it!  It never hurts to have a second opinion...okay, off of my soapbox. 

Here is a link to the book:  http://amzn.com/0825306264

PS--Thanks for the comments below!  I'm not the greatest commenter myself, but it does help to know that people read what I'm writing!!  Thank you!

back to work tomorrow!

Tuesday will be 4 weeks out from surgery.  I decided at the beginning of this past week that I would try to go back to work part-time this week.  Dr. H okayed it and got the release to HR.  Of course neither of my managers responded to my email about it.  Typical!  One of the few things I dislike about my job--people that can't do their jobs!! 
My plan (which is okay with the doctor I work for) is to work five hours per day Monday thru Thursday in the clinic and then 1-2 hours from home each day doing paperwork stuff. Friday I will work 4-5 hours from home.  If that goes well, I'll either do the same thing or go back full-time next week.
I still won't be starting the next phase of treatment until I am six weeks out from surgery, so really nothing too exciting going on with me right now.  I am feeling soooo much better than I was a week ago!  I went to the mall with my sis and bro-in-law and the kids yesterday and did a lot of walking.  I even tried laying on my stomach a few times the past few days and it didn't bother me too much!  Sleep has been better too.  Hopefully I'm done with the tylenol PM! 
I'm not sure how much I'll keep posting on my blog right now....it doesn't seem like anybody reads it, and I get it that I'm not a great writer!  I guess I still have it for my own reflections.  Hopefully one day soon it will turn in to a baby blog!!!

tired of being tired

Tomorrow is two weeks out from my laparotomy.  I'm much better than when I left the hospital, but I still have a long way to go.  It's very hard to not use your abs when doing practically everything!  My whole entire back is starting to get super sore.  My tummy is still tender to touch 1-2 inches above the incision up to my belly button.  I have a hard time sleeping on my back or sides and definitely won't be sleeping on my stomach for a long time!  I still get winded pretty easily, which sucks!

Now for what I am able to do...I can do stairs fairly easily.  Getting up from sitting and lying down is much easier.  I can lift and carry light stuff.  I will be calling my clinic tomorrow to check-in with them. 
My husband and mom and I carried one of our couches downstairs to the extra bedroom so I would have a place to hang out during the day.  It's been nice to have a spot to get away from DH while he's working upstairs.

I'll update tomorrow if I hear anything exciting from my doctor's office!

Slow recovery

My surgery went well.  I was in the hospital from Tuesday until Friday.  My mom and I are staying at a friend's house in NE until cleared to go home.  My post-op appointment is Monday afternoon, so we'll either leave after that or on Tuesday morning.  Dr. H said everything went well in surgery.  It's a lot harder recovery than I thought it would be!  My incision is 7 inches long and is healing well.  I'll post more after my appointment tomorrow!

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

Well, we are here in Omaha!  My surgery is first case in the morning, so at least I don't have to go hungry! ;)
I will try to update as soon as I'm feeling up to it.

10 Days

I know.  I'm counting down to my surgery.  I can't help it though!  I'm both nervous and excited.  Interestingly enough, my test date on fertility.friend is my surgery date.  Of course that doesn't mean a whole lot, but you never know.  A little wishful thinking never hurt anyone, right?!  It would be the best six-hour drive in my life...a positive beta test!  :)

Nothing else too exciting going on.  I need to clean and organize my house so that I don't have to worry about it after surgery.  DH always says the mess is mine, so he should have a nice, clean, mess-free few weeks since I'll be laying low!  We'll see how that one turns out! ;)

This past week I planned out what to make for dinner each night and went grocery shopping on Sunday.  It worked out really well.  I'm gonna try to do that again this coming week.  Hopefully while I'm still down in Omaha I can make a few weekly meal lists.  I'm sure it's saving us money and it's definitely easier coming home and not having to think and think about what to make!

Here's to hoping the next ten days fly by!!

3 weeks

And the countdown begins again!  Three weeks from tomorrow is my laparotomy.  I'm not nervous yet.  Work is super busy this week and then will be quiet the next two, so I'm sure the nervousness will start then! 
I'm just ready to get this done and start with all the other treatment Dr. H will have me doing.  I'm super glad that I finally have answers and am very anxious to get the ball really rolling after this surgery!

Nothing else really exciting going on here.  My garden is doing well.  I have tons of green tomatoes, so hopefully we'll be picking red ones soon!  My cucumber plants have been giving me a couple of cucs a week.  I would like to try to make pickles as soon as I get enough of them!  I'll post pics after I make my first batch! 

I thought I was Unexplained?!?!

The title says it all!  According to all my previous OBs and REs, we had unexplained infertility.  We were told nothing was wrong with me and that DH's numbers were a little low, but not the reason we weren't getting pregnant, that it would happen eventually.  Crazy how finding the right doctor changes things!!

I got a call from PPVI clinic this afternoon.  Dr. H had reviewed my ultrasound series done while I was down there for my laparoscopy.  He confirmed that I do ovulate, but the follicle was immature at 17 mm.  Treatment is the use of Clomid (at lower doses than what a typical OB or RE would use).  One more thing to add to my NOT unexplained list!  I'm also finishing up the thyroid dysfunction temping this cycle.  From what I can tell already, there is more than likely an issue with my thyroid.  It is something that will require taking a medication.  As I mentioned after my laparoscopy, I won't start any of the medications or other treatments until after my laparotomy. 
Soooooo....here is the list of what is wrong with me:
1) extensive endometriosis
2) 4 cm fibroid on uterus
3) endometritis (infection in uterus)
4) immature follicle rupture
5) probable thyroid dysfunction
6) borderline low prosterone post-peak/ovulation

My laparotomy is 4 1/2 weeks away!!  I think I've figured out what I hope to do with work and stuff.  Since I can't use my short term disability and work part-time from home at the same time (unless I am off work full-time for 30 days), I will plan to just take four weeks off of work.  Unless I work more than 27 hours a week, it isn't worth it for me to go back part-time.  I will just have to see how I feel and go from there.  The MD I work for, my team, my managers and close co-workers are all being super supportive about this, so that helps. 
I did pretty good with exercise this week.  I ran 2.2 miles on Sunday and Thursday and walked the same with DH Monday and today.  Now we just have to keep it up and add in lots of push-ups, sit-ups and dumbbell exercises!!

Garden Pics

Here are some pics of my garden taken today.  Things are growing well.  I've harvested radishes, sugar snap peas, beans and lettuce.  I can't wait to eat some tomatoes, eggplant, cucumber, carrots, onions and broccoli!

3 Tomato plants, 2 Sweet Banana Peppers, and Eggplant

3 Tomatoes in Pots, Zuchinni and Cucumbers.

Tomato in pot, Broccoli, Celery, Carrots, Beans and Sugar Snap Peas

Green Onions, Yellow Onions, Carrots, Peppers and 3 Tomatoes

5 more Tomato plants, Basil, Rosemary, Broccoli and Marigolds

July already?!

I really can't believe it's July already!  So far, it's been a great month.  We spent the weekend up at my mom and dad's cabin.  Saturday was our 6th anniversary and we had talked about going in to Duluth for dinner.  The closer it got to getting ready to leave the more we didn't feel like going!  So, we had dinner with everyone else.  They put a little candle out on the picnic table for us!

My laparotomy is six weeks from today.  Time is flying by!  I'm still trying to figure out how long I will be off of work and what, if any work I can do from home part-time before going back full-time.  I can't take any time off of work prior to surgery so I can build up at least a week of paid time off to use after. 

My garden is coming along nicely, especially with our being gone for five of the past seven weekends!  I need to charge my camera battery and will post some pics tomorrow.

Sorry for such a boring post...not really anything exciting going on.  Just wait til I'm not working for 2-3 weeks!  Hopefully I'll think up some interesting things to blog about!!

what should I do?

8 weeks from today we will be back in Omaha for my laparotomy.  I'm assuming I won't have much of a summer left after the surgery, so I want to try to cram everything in in the next two months!  I don't have super big plans of traveling across the country or anything like that.  This coming weekend will start things off with babysitting my niece and nephew (my sister's kids).  DH was supposed to help, but he has to go back to Wisconsin for sort of job interview.  I'm really excited to get to spend time with them all by myself!
Next Tuesday I'm getting my haircut...I'd like to do something different, but at the same time scared to go too short!  Currently my hair is shoulder length with slight layers at the ends.  Any ideas/pictures?!?  I'm open to almost anything!
My mom helped with some organizing in the couple of days she stayed after getting back from NE.  I still have lots to do that though!  I need to organize all my closets, the garage, my sewing/craft area, not to mention throw out, send to goodwill, and have a garage sale to get rid of all the stuff!!
Another thing I'd really like to concentrate on in the next 8 weeks is building some muscle!  I get so sick of people telling me how skinny I am!  Hello!!  I eat all the time and don't exercise on a regular basis (please, don't be jealous.  It isn't easy finding clothes that fit and that don't make me look like I'm in 9th grade!  It also sucks to need to eat every 2-3 hours).  I'd like to beef up my arms and definitely work on my abs.
DH and I haven't been to church in a long time...probably at least three months.  I hope to start going again (when we are in town) so that it becomes a "normal" thing to do after my surgery. 
I also want to work on my relationship with DH.  Things are fine, but I kinda feel like we are just wading along side the same boat, not in it paddling together.  I had bought the book, "The Love Dare", which requires committing 40 days to go thru it together, probably a year ago.  I just need to feel closer to him, and I think this will help. 
Last but not least, I want to continue to work in my garden so we have lots of fresh veggies while I'm recovering! I need to fix a hole in the garden fence that either Nissa or a squirrel made, fix the gate that has fallen apart, trim the grass around the inside edge of the fence and eventually get rid of the grass, put cages and trellises up for the rest of the tomato, cucumber and zuchinni plants. (I'll post a pic of the lovely progress the garden has made later this week!)
Okay, think I can get all this done in eight weeks?!  I really need to get rid of the laziness bug that I've had for the past two years.

post-op appointment

Update from my appt with Dr. H today:




He said I had a lot of endometriosis: 6-8+ areas on my bowel (large intestine), my rectum, pelvic wall, left ovary, and bladder. He also saw a spot that was suspicious for endo on my appendix and that it was not as loose and wiggly as it should be.

There is a very small benign tumor on my right ovary.

I have a large fibroid (4 cm) on the fundus (top back) part of my uterus that is probably poking into my bowels.

My LH is higher than my FSH and combined with the US appearance of "string of pearls" he said I maybe have a mild case of PCOS.

The pressure in my fallopian tubes is normal and both are open. He saw white spots and micropolyps inside my uterus which he thinks is endometritis. The biopsy was negative but Dr. H says it can still be positive. It will take 7-10 days for the cultures to come back. He wants to treat me with an antibiotic (also DH), but will decide which one once the cultures are back.

He also wants DH to take Proxeed (an amino acid supp) to help with sperm motility.

I am having my cortisol tested tomorrow morning before my US. He is wondering if there is something going on with my adrenal gland.

I still need to do the Thyroid Dysfunction stuff (temp and pulse) next cycle. It doesn't sound like we will be doing much treatment before the laparotomy which is scheduled for August 17th!!!!!

He will remove all the endo (and repair the tissue, which apparently most MDs don't do!), remove the fibroid from my uterus and remove my appendix.

I'm freaking out about the time off for that surgery though. He said no driving for 2 weeks, could do phones/desk work at 4 weeks, but no work for 6 weeks. Yikes!!! I would have to use STD, and I don't know how we would make it financially that way.....

Dr. H also said that I have a 90% chance of relief of pelvic pain/symptoms after all of this is done and a 65-75% chance of becoming pregnant within 6-12 cycles.

surgery

So my surgery went well yesterday.  Unfortunately I have endometriosis on areas that he wasn't able to laser, so I have to come back in three to four months for a laparotomy.  He told DH and my mom that I have endo on my gall bladder, appendix, and bowels.  I will find out more at my post-op appointment with Dr. H on Tuesday.  We got a bunch of pictures from the surgery and he explained them to DH and my mom.  At my post-op appointment he will go over the video from the surgery and talk about the treatment plan.  I guess I will get a VHS copy of the video too. 
I'm really sore and hope that goes away soon!  I'll post more after my appointment on Tuesday!

tomorrow...

Tomorrow will be one week away from my surgery.  I'm starting to get nervous.  AF finally showed up today, which means I will probably have to stay down in Omaha until at least Wednesday for the daily ultrasounds to confirm that my ovaries are actually releasing an egg.  And of course, that is if I ovulate on day 14!  DH will be there until Sunday and then going back to MN with my sister (she's coming down with her kids to visit a friend from college, as her husband is going to be out of town).  My mom and I will be staying with a family friend until they say I can go.  I'm not really sure what we'll do.  I've never had surgery, so not sure how to "recover"!  Maybe we'll go shopping and rent a bunch of movies. 

Tomorrow is the start of a three-day weekend!  Yay!  We were gonna go to my MIL's place in WI, but decided that it was too close to my surgery and needed to stay home to get a bunch of things done.  I need to finish painting my kitchen cupboards white, we need to clean out the garage, and I need to organize our closets.  Hopefully the weather cooperates and I don't turn in to a lazy blob!

Tomorrow also happens to be my 31st birthday.  Birthdays used to be exciting.  Now every year is just another reminder of what I don't have and the fact that I'm closer to 35 (advanced maternal age!).  Hopefully I'll be pregnant by my next birthday. 

And I leave you with some recent pictures of my garden.  Things are really starting to grow!!

A night shot!

Sugar Snap Peas

Tomatoes are getting bigger! (marigolds in the back on the left)

This box has celery, carrots, beans and peas.  Broccoli will go in once it's a little bigger.

This box has corn, cucumbers, radishes, spinach and will have zucchini.

This box has sweet mesclun mix, eggplant, tomatoes and sweet banana peppers.  More tomatoes will be added.

This box has carrots, green onions, yellow onions, poblano pepper and will have tomatoes and pepper plants.

I added the little wire fences with mesh tulle that I bought at the fabric store to keep birds from eating the veggies and seeds, as well as keeping all the leaves and things falling off the trees out.  I just have to sweep the stuff off, rather than pick it out of the dirt.  I think I will be removing them sometime soon as I will need to add tomato and pepper supports as well as trellis' for the cucumbers.

100th post

Woohoo!  I probably would have reached the 100th post much sooner, but since I don't post enough, it took me 2 years!  This post is gonna be a little about me and a little about my garden. 

I am now one month away from my surgery and I can't wait!  Never thought I'd be excited about having surgery, but I am.  This is truly our last chance at "fixing" why we can't get pregnant.  After this surgery and any treatment that Dr. H recommends, I am done.  It will be five years in August and I just can't keep doing this anymore.  Of course the treatment regimen could be for a few months, even up to a year, but I don't think I'll give it much more than that.  I really want to focus on other things in my life.  I know I will never truly accept not having kids, but I hope some day I will learn to live with it.  Of course, everyone tells me, just adopt!!  Yeah, cause it's just that easy!  Well, it's not.  It isn't cheap either, so unless we win the lottery, it probably won't happen.

I am still thinking positive about this surgery and letting hope really creep in right now, despite the negative attitude above!

Now on to my garden.  There really isn't much actually "in" the garden yet, but it's getting there!  My trellis for the peas is up and some of the peas are planted and starting to grow up the netting.  I have some beans next to the peas.  I have very tiny green onion sprouts popping up, as well as the yellow onion starts that I transplanted.  This past Sunday I (along with the 8-yr old neighbor girl) planted two different types of carrots, mesclun, spinach, radishes and corn.  My tomato sprouts are really starting to grow, hopefully they'll get big enough to put in the garden soon!  Here are a few pics:

The red in the middle is rubber mulch with rubber pavers.  A little more expensive than the natural wood mulch and stone pavers, but lasts 10+ years!  I will probably switch the wood mulch out for the rubber over time, so the cost doesn't sting quite as much!!

The start of my gardens...

Last year I had two 4x4 squarefoot gardens.  This year, I decided to make two more!  I still need to mix up my compost, vermiculite, and peat moss (mel's mix), then put up my 3-foot high bamboo/reed fence to keep Nissa out!!  We haven't decided what to put down around the boxes.  Around the two old boxes is natural mulch, but that looks kinda boring now that it has weathered to grey.  I saw some of that rubber mulch when I was out today, but that would be expensive!  Here's a pic:

Here's another pic of the boxes filled and the fence put up.  I ran out of the bamboo/reed fence roll, so still need to figure out what to make the gate out of!

Spring is Here!

Once again, I apoligize for not posting sooner.  Not too much going on lately.  I started my month long bloodwork panel a week and a half ago.  So far it's going well.  No bruises!  Today I started the post-Peak portion, which includes estradiol and progesterone.  On peak + 7 there is a whole bunch of other stuff that will be tested.  The last draw is on peak + 11, then all the frozen vials get shipped down to PPVI.  Hopefully I will have the results either before or at my appointment with Dr. H before my surgery on June 4th. 

In non-infertility related stuff, I'm getting ready to start the seeds for my garden.  I've decided to double the size of it this year and hope to become a certified teacher in the squarefoot gardening method!  I'll post pics once things start sprouting and also when I make my 3rd and 4th raised beds.  I'm also taking a day off of work this week to paint our kitchen cabinets white!  I'm hoping it goes well...the guy at the home store said there is a primer/paint combo that should work with only a little bit of sanding.  Wish me luck!!  :)

Surgery Scheduled!

Something good has finally come of this week!  My laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and selective HSG are scheduled for June 4th!!  That's over three months away, but I'm totally fine with that.  This way I will have time to get the month long blood work panel done, as well as figure out how in the heck we are gonna pay for all of it since I have crap for insurance! 
Now for the bad (you really didn't think I was gonna have an all positive post now, did you?!)...so my grandpa's funeral was yesterday.  We were planning to get up early and drive the three hours and then drive home after everything.  I woke up yesterday at 3am not feeling well.  Tried to sleep it off, but it just got worse.  I'm not going to go in to details, but I was not going to be able to ride in a car for three hours!  We missed the funeral and it makes me so sad to not have the closure.  My mom said it was recorded, so hopefully that will help.  We are going up there this weekend, so I'm looking forward to that. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful last few days of February...YAY for March and springtime!!

Sad.

Today is a sad day.  My grandpa passed away in his sleep this morning.  He lived for one year, two weeks after his sweet bride left him.  I'm at peace knowing that he is back together with her now!  I know my mom and is having a hard time with it, but I haven't talked to her on the phone yet, since we are still in Mexico.  The funeral won't be until next week sometime and we go home on Sunday, so that's good. 
We were able to see grandpa just two weeks ago while at my sister's house for the kids birthday party and he didn't look good, but I'm glad we got to see him.  I pray this isn't the start of what happened at this time last year!

A much needed vacation.

Sorry, once again, for the hiatus between posts.  No excuse other than I have been busy with life!  I am currently writing this post from my vacation in Mexico!  AF was lovely enough to join me on our first morning here, but thankfully (especially to DH!) she is gone!  Since I know I'm not pregnant and won't be ovulating on this trip, it is all about me, eating good food, drinking, and getting a tan!  Take that infertility!  I don't care about you right now!

This is Isla Ixtapa.  We went snorkeling here yesterday.

This is the villa we are staying at.

Thankfully we get to be here until Sunday!!

AF Sucks!

The witch decided to grace me with her presence late last night!  She also put me in a bad mood today.  The worst part of it is that I will get AF again a day or two after we get to Mexico in February!!  What a way to spend a vacation! 

In other news, the next ten days at work are going to be a little slower for me.  The surgeon I work for, his PA, and two other MDs from our group decided this weekend that they were gonna go down to Haiti.  They left today and will be gone until the middle of next week.  It is so awesome that they are doing this.  Most of the patients that we had to reschedule were cool about it...not sure why the others had a problem!!  They will be sleeping in a tent, have very limited food and water resources (they are bringing power bars, protein powder, etc), and doing surgery on patients with even more limited resources! 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Everything always comes down to money!!!

 I hate money!!!  So, I talked to the business office/insurance person at PPVI last week....it was kind of a shocker/reality check. I guess I had in my mind that my insurance would cover a good portion of things, but I don't know for sure. She was super helpful and said they will do everything they can. But, because I've already done treatment for infertility (IUI, clomid, Follistim injectables, etc), she said it is gonna be hard to convince them that I want to fix my body, not just get pregnant. I think I have a case....I had asked my previous OB to do a lap on me cause I think I have endo but not tons of symptoms. I do get some intense abdominal cramping at random times a few times every month....The cost of all of it, especially if insurance doesn't cover, is too much for us financially right now. I still need to call my insurance company to get details, but that really depresses me. Once again, $$ stands in the way of possibly having a chance at getting pregnant!  I really hate that!



DH and I went out to eat on New Year's Day and he mentioned that it was nice not to have to cart a crapload of baby gear out on a super cold day. I agreed and have definitely been thinking about that a lot lately....do I really want to have kids? Can we afford them (or even one)?? Will we be good parents??  I know I've had these thoughts before, but they seem to keep coming back, especially lately.  I wish I didn't have to even think about this....I wish I could just have sex and voila!, my period's late, maybe I'm pregnant!?  Hahaha. 
 
Well, a new year can bring new things, right?!  I pray that everyone hoping for a BFP gets one in 2010!