BFN!

3rd time is NOT the charm for us!! Third IUI beta was negative. Since my insurance doesn't cover any more IUI cycles (unless I become PG or miscarry), we are just gonna take a break for at least 3 months, and go from there. I probably won't update this blog much...we'll see though! I'll check in on everyone's blogs and post comments as much as I can. I can't wait for all the BFPs!!!!!

I think it's over...

Well, I caved Friday night after working late and tested when I got home using an internet cheapie test. I saw a line well within 10 minutes. It wasn't a dark line, but it was definitely there. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I got up Saturday morning and tested again with the same IC test. Same thing, so I decided to use one of the digitals that I had, an EPT digital. NOT PREGNANT! What the heck! So, I held my pee, went to the store and bought a box of FRERs and a box of Accuclear. Took those when I got home, along with another IC. Nothing on the FRER, maybe something on the Accuclear and IC. So, I decided I just had to wait til Sunday morning!
Saturday afternoon I started spotting dark brown. Bad enough that I had to wear a pantiliner. I tested again this morning with an IC and the Accuclear...don't think I see anything this time, and the spotting was worse. Now, as I write this, it isn't spotting anymore. It's bad enough that I needed a tampon....THIS SUCKS!! What a way to end it all...bleeding while on Prometrium, before my beta.
I did leave a message at my RE's office, but there really isn't anything they can do today anyways. I go in for my beta at 7:00am tomorrow morning. The weird thing is, I don't have any cramps...I'm sure I'll get them soon since I typed this.
We are getting ready to go to my sister's house to have Christmas with them and my parents. Should be fun. Get to see my 22 mo old niece. She's requested that we bring Nissa, our dog, on the phone to me 3 times!! Of course we've planned on brining her the whole time! Just like a little kid....she makes sure to remember all of us!! I love her so much!
Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope you are able to get thru the season okay. This will be a tough one for us, but other than my niece that I adore, we won't be around any little babies or kids. We will be away at my parents cabin, so that should be relaxing with the wood stove to keep us warm!

1 week to go

Well, I made it thru the first week of my two week wait. Nothing too exciting going on. I swear that my bbs are more tender and bigger than they normally are being on Prometrium. I've also had very mild cramping off and on since Friday...of course that has been right around when implantation can occur! I wish I could just shut my brain off about all of this! I haven't tested out my trigger and as of right now I don't plan on testing before my beta test on Monday the 22nd. I kind of want to test on Saturday or Sunday, so that if it is negative, the phone call on Monday won't be so awful! What do you all think?!

ps-sorry for not updating much lately or checking in on everyone's blogs...I just haven't been online much in the last week. I promise to do better!! Andrea, I know you tagged me awhile ago...I will do that soon too!

IUI went well

My 3rd and possibly final IUI went well this morning. I was really worried that DH's numbers would be awful, but they weren't. Post wash it was 88% motility, grade A, with 13.3 million for the total number motile. The nurse said the insemination went perfect! So, now we wait for two weeks! My beta is on Monday December 22nd, a few days before Christmas. Wouldn't a positive beta be the best present ever?!?
I don't think I'm gonna test at all this time. I've never done that on any of my treatment cycles, so it will be difficult. I hope I can do it!!

IUI is Saturday!

Well, our 3rd IUI is tomorrow morning. It looks like I will have two follies/eggs ovulate. I did the Ovidrel trigger last night, so the bloat is starting! I'm guessing my beta will be the Monday before Christmas! I pray that I get the best present ever this year! If not, I sure hope God will give me a little glimpse into His plan for my life!!

Losing hope

Today I had another US and bloodwork appt. Things look good. I do 75iu of Follistim again tonight and go back in tomorrow morning for another date with the dildocam and bloodsucker. IUI should be on Saturday morning.
I'm losing hope that I will ever become a mother...a coworker asked me today, "why don't you just adopt?!" Uhhh, cause we don't have $25,000 laying around!!!! People think it's so easy to adopt. Of course I want to "save" a baby that doesn't have a family, but why do I have to pay tons of money for it?! If this IUI doesn't work, we'll be out of pocket for any further IUIs, which my RE will do 3 more of. Hmm...that's about $2000 a cycle...we don't even have close to that in savings, so I don't know where we would get if from.
DH's vehicle wouldn't start last night. We jumped it and started. This morning he tried to start it and it wouldn't even turn over. He jumped it again when I got home from work, drove it to get gas, came home, turned it off. Tried to turn it back on and it wouldn't start. It's a piece of junk, but we owe too much on it right now to try to trade it in for something else, so we're stuck. Luckily he works from home so doesn't need to drive anywhere too much.
I just feel like nothing can go right for us! My twin sister seems to have it all...beautiful, smart little 2 yr old girl, pg with boy, only works part-time, husband makes great $$, moving into a bigger house....it just doesn't end...oh well. Life's not fair, right?! I guess it seems like those of us with IF drew the short stick...maybe some day that will change??

Plugging along...

My appointment went well yesterday morning. I think there are 2-3 follies on my right ovary. My left still has that cyst, but it isn't producing estrogen, so I did 75iu Follistim last night and will again tonight. I go back in Wednesday morning for another US & BW. The NP said the IUI will probably be Friday or Saturday.
I can't believe how fast this is going!!
I'm getting a little excited, but it's hard after coming off such a great cycle and still getting a BFN. This is also the last treatment cycle that is covered by insurance, so I'm trying not to think about what we'll do if this doesn't work. I got my Follistim refilled yesterday, and got 300 and 600iu vials. I definitely won't need the 600iu one, so I will be able to use that in the future if we decide to pay OOP. That will save us $650!!!

Nothing else too exciting going on. There is a baby shower for a coworker tomorrow after work. I usually go to all of them, but I think I've decided that I'm not going to this one. It's just too close to the holidays and I think I would be too emotional seeing all the baby stuff. I'll still give her a present, just not tomorrow! Have a great day everyone!

It's a go!

I had a little bit of a scare this morning at my appointment. The nurse found a cyst on my left ovary, but said it looked like it was collapsing into itself. If it was estrogen producing, the Follistim would be put on hold. Well, my E2 came back at 32.8!! So I just did my first injection for this cycle. I'm excited, nervous and scared all at once. I had requested some information on an adoption agency here in the twin cities...it came in the mail today. Ready material for the weekend!
I pray that everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving weekend!!!

I'm a little better...

AF was nice and showed up late Saturday night. I go in for my baseline US Tuesday morning. This weekend was kinda sucky...Friday night we went to a coworker's son's musical. It was fun to have a date night with DH. When we got home, I was reaching into my left pocket and felt a tiny rock. I pulled it out and noticed that it was a diamond! It was the center diamond from my wedding ring!!! I am sooo lucky that I found it in my pocket. I brought it in and probably won't get it back for 3 weeks or so....they aren't sure what to do with it! Hopefully the jeweler can come up with something.
I also babysat my niece Saturday evening and took her to the mall with me. I got called her mom twice...made me just want to cry! J is almost 2. It was hard going around the mall all by myself with her...made me wonder how I could ever do that! I suppose it just comes naturally when it's your own kid.
Sunday I had a bad headache all day. I took ibuprofen and tylenol twice each throughout the day and neither helped. I pretty much laid on the couch all day, didn't get anything done!
I'm so glad we have a short work week! We are going to DH's parents for the weekend. It will be nice to get away from everything. Hopefully my appointment goes well tomorrow and I'll be starting Follistim again.

Beta was negative

enough said.

12dpiui too early??

So I tested this morning with an internet dip stick test. I always "think" I see a 2nd line, so I stopped & got a box of digital tests. I tested once I got to work. NOT PREGNANT. Once again, infertility SUCKS!!! Is 12dpiui too early?? I called my RE's office & convinced them to move my beta to tomorrow instead of Monday. Hopefully that test was wrong and I'm just overreacting!

If it truly is negative, I can't wait for AF to start too late. We are going to DH's parents' house 5 hours away & could potentially miss CD1-4 & have to take a forced break cycle, NOT HAPPENING!! So pray the test was wrong!!!

1 week left

Well, I tested this morning. I know, I know. I'm only 8dpiui!! But, it was negative, so I know the trigger is gone (10 days past trigger). So now if I test and actually get a positive, it should be the real thing!!
If this cycle doesn't work, I'm not sure how we'll be able to start the next one, since we will be going out of town for Thanksgiving. Maybe they would have me come in on day 1 for my baseline (possibly next Wednesday)? Then I could start Follistim again while we are gone.
This sucks! I wish I was nieve enough not to even think about this cycle not working. But, that's what happens when you're infertile! You have to think about all the options and what the next steps will be.
So, when should I wait to test?! Thursday will be 12dpiui...that is my goal, but not sure I will make it til then!

4 Days down, 12 to go!! :(

So far, so good. This first week of the 2ww is always the easiest. The week is going by so slow though!! I had some cramping up until this morning since Oing on Saturday. Too early to test and I'm not testing out my trigger this time. FertilityFriend gives me a test date of a week from this Saturday. I will probably test sooner. How many DPO should I test?? Sorry I haven't posted on everyones blogs much lately. Now that we can't go online at work, I come & spend time w/DH rather than sitting at the computer downstairs! R ight now I'm using our Archos PMP w/wi-fi hooked up to the tv & using a tiny keypad!! At least I am comfy on the couch!!

IUI went great!!

This cycle has been perfect so far...a perfect ending would of course be a BFP and positive beta!
Here are the stats from the IUI report:
Pre-Wash Post-Wash
Volume: 2.0 ml Concentration: 22.9 mil/ml
Concentration: 52.5 mil/ml Motility: 87%
Motility: 40% Grade: A
Grade: A Total Number Motile: 19.9 mil

Much better than our first IUI!! The nurse took her time and talked through every little step during the insemination. My beta isn't until Monday November 24th, but you better believe I'll be testing way before then!! :) I hope we have wonderful news to share with DH's parents on Thanksgiving!
I'm off to go sit on the couch the rest of the afternoon!

IUI is Saturday

I had another US this morning. My lining was 9.3 C. I'm pretty sure that's the best it's ever been! I have one follicle on my right ovary and two on my left that will ovulate. I did the Ovidrel hcg trigger tonight, so IUI will be Saturday morning. They are letting us bring DH's sperm in, so that will be less stressful on him (I hope!).
Things are going well so far, and I am trying to stay positive and hopeful. Unfortunately, dealing with infertility for awhile has caused me to let negativity and hopelessness creep in. There's always the what-ifs. What if this one doesn't work? We only have one more cycle covered by my insurance. What if that one doesn't work? What if we have to do IVF? Insurance doesn't cover that, and we certainly cannot afford it!
Okay, enough of that! I am going to be positive!

IUI by the end of the week!

I had my second US and bloodwork this morning. It looks like my left ovary will be the winner this time! I will probably only have 2 mature follies with the stims, so that's good. They have me doing 75 iu today and tomorrow and returning to the clinic on Wednesday morning for a recheck. The NP said I will probably have the IUI Friday or Saturday at the latest! Wow!
That's coming up so fast, I can't believe it! I'm ready for it though!

Thank you!

Andrea nominated me for the I heart your blog award...since I'm not very good at figuring out how to add the picture, I'll just do the answering part! Thanks Andrea! You are a very strong woman too!! :)

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Where is your significant other? friends
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Duluth
5. Your father? home
6. Your favorite thing? sleep!
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your dream/goal? momma
9. The room you're in? computer
10. Your hobby? crafts
11. Your fear? child-free
12. Where do you want to be in six years? vacation
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? hopeful
15. One of your wish list items? baby
16. Where you grew up? Duluth
17. The last thing you did? drove
18. What are you wearing? slippers
19. Your T.V.? off
20. Your pet? Nissa
21. Your computer? old
22. Your mood? tired
23. Missing someone? DH
24. Your car? Saturn
25. Something you're not wearing? mittens
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your Summer? fast
28. Love someone? DH
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? Sunday

Here we come IUI #2!!

My appointment yesterday morning went well. My lining was at a 5.7 A and I had 11 less than 10mm follicles on the right ovary and 14 less than 10 on my left. I started my Follistim last night. They have me on 75 iu each day thru Sunday with a repeat US on Monday morning. I haven't done this in awhile, so I'm not sure approximately where this puts the IUI. I suppose it's way too early to tell! Hopefully I'll go a little slower so I don't produce so many mature follies this time!
Nothing else exciting going on. My work is finally cracking down on internet usage, so I won't be checking my usual blogs or going on FF or TheNest during the day anymore :( I suppose that's a good thing though. Work is for work, not surfing the internet! Our computer is downstairs, so it's hard to come sit at it when I get home from work because I want to spend time with DH!
He got a pool pass for a local hotel a few days ago. Last night I decided to join him. Wow!! I am so out of shape it isn't even funny! I swam maybe 7 or 8 laps in the small pool and was shaky as we left for home. I guess that's a good thing though. I really need to start doing strength training as well. Problem is, I'm very lazy! Well I better get going to work.....

AF showed!!

Well, the witch is here. I go for my baseline US on Wednesday morning. Hopefully this round of Follistim will actually work to produce only a few mature eggs and we can proceed with the IUI.
I feel like I'm getting closer to accepting that we may never have kids, biological or adopted. I suppose that just comes with time. Never in a million years did I think we'd still be trying to have our first child after 3 years!!
Keep your fingers crossed that things go better this time around!

My new hair cut!

I got my hair cut tonight...I have bangs again for the first time in probably 15 years!! They're long bangs, but they should be fun! I hope I can style it when I wake up in the morning!

Update

Sorry for no update lately, there's just not much going on. After the IUI cancellation from overstimming on Follistim, we took a break the following cycle. We missed O time and just waited til AF showed up this past Friday. We decided to do one more break cycle and try on our own with OPKs. If no BFP after that, we will go ahead with the last two cycles of treatment that are covered by my insurance (Follistim/IUI).
It's been really nice not going to RE appts all the time and also nice not stressing about everything. I keep thinking more and more about getting another dog, either adopting or fostering thru Retrieve A Golden Of Minnesota www.ragom.org There are so many GR's out there that need a home, and by fostering, we can see if it will work out with having a second dog in our home/lives. We'll see on that one!
Nothing else exciting going on...sad that summer is done, but I like fall too!

I wish my body could just be normal!

Well, the spotting has continued. Yesterday I thought for sure AF was here, but by the time I got home from work, there was only something there when I wiped. Same so far this morning. I'm so confused. Does Follistim cause pre-AF spotting/bleeding? I took a IC test this morning. Negative. I go see my new OB on Monday morning. Hopefully she can help me figure out what is going on. I'm also going to talk to her about doing a Laparoscopy to make sure I don't have endometriosis or any adhesions or anything that could be contributing to our infertility. Hopefully I will get some good news soon, I can't take much more of this! Maybe I was not meant to be a mother to children, only to dogs and to just be Aunt Jenny.

What is going on?

Since we didn't trigger and do the IUI, I'm not exactly sure if/when I ovulated, so not sure when AF will rear her ugly self. The BD ban was off Monday and we BD last night. I woke up this morning with brown spotting. Of course the crazy side of me thought, "implantation spotting!". We did BD 2-3 days prior to the day I think I O'd. I'm trying to keep myself from getting too hopeful. I mean, why would something like this happen to me, when it can't even happen when we try really hard?!

We are behaving ourselves...

Don't worry, we've been very good and have obeyed Dr's orders of no sex for 1 week so far. DH is very scared of multiples, so won't go near me with a 10-foot pole!! I'll be glad when the "ban" is off next week!
We are going up to my parents cabin for the long weekend. It will be nice to get away, although we'll be meeting our new nephew who is just over a week old. Not sure how that will go. I hope I'm not an emotional mess over it. I know I will be sad. It's what I want, what I think I should have by now. It's still soooo hard for me to understand (and I probably never will) why this is happening to me. Why did God give me such a strong desire to be a mother and then give me infertility? I know we live in an imperfect world, but sheesh! I really struggle with this. It sucks, cause everyone around me in real life has noooooooooooo idea what I'm going thru. I have to explain a million times why our IUI was cancelled....hello?! 8 eggs could possibly (even if a minute chance) become 8 embryos which could become 8 fetuses, etc!
Okay, I'm off to bed...hopefully I don't have more weird dreams like I did last night!

Follistim works too well!

At my US appointment this morning, I had 8 follies that are mature enough to ovulate. So, the IUI has been cancelled! I can't believe this! First I get bad side effects (cysts and thin lining), now I produce too many eggs! I just can't win...The NP said if I was doing IVF, it would be perfect. Too bad my insurance doesn't cover it and we aren't rich! This sucks......
She also said "no intercourse for 1 week". Part of me wants to try anyways, but I also know that would be a huge mistake if we got PG with HOM. Now we wait til AF shows again and try it with much lower doses of Follistim.
Only two more cycles left that my insurance will cover until I either become PG or miscarry. Yippee!!! :(

two more days.

I had another follie check/US this morning. I was very suprised to see Dr. B there! She even did my US! I didn't do a very good job of trying to remember all the sizes of the follies, but I'm pretty sure there were 4 above 10mm on each ovary. I also believe the biggest was on the left at 15mm x 12mm. I had a message on my medVM this afternoon and they lowered my Follistim dosage down to 75iu instead of 100, which is down from the 125iu, for tonight and tomorow night. I go back in on Monday for another US and bloodwork. If I'm ready then, I'm guessing I'll trigger that evening and then have the IUI on Wednesday...we'll see!!

Nothing too exciting...

I had my 2nd US this morning. There are the following follicles developing: 12 x 12mm, 12 x 10mm, 12 x 8mm on the right ovary; 2-11 x 11mm on the left ovary. There are also a bunch smaller than 10mm on each ovary. I stim at 125iu for two more days (as long as my b/w is okay--I find out this afternoon) and then go back on Saturday morning for another US. The NP said I will probably be ready for insemination early next week. I hope I don't overstim and have to cancel!!

3 down, 2 to go until US

I've made it through 3 of my first 5 Follistim injections. They are virtually painless, but for some reason it takes me awhile to actually jab the needle in!! It's so silly since I know it isn't going to hurt.
DH has questioned 2 times now about having multiples! I think he's worried because we watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 all the time, and he doesn't want to end up like them! My RE said she will only stim me to 2-3 follicles. I know twins can be higher risk and are not without complications, but I would be okay with that! More than that would definitely be scary.
I'm trying to be hopeful about this cycle working, but it's still so early, who knows what could happen. The closer we get to the IUI part of things, the more I worry. I just need to calm down and let God be in control!

Yay for injectables!

Well, my US this morning went well. The cyst on my right ovary has shrunk down to 10mm. There were 6 less than 10 follicles on my right ovary and I think 8 less than 10 on my left. I start the Follistim injections Saturday night! Woohoo! Never thought I'd be so excited to jab myself with a needle every night for 5 days! I go back for an US check next Thursday. Can't wait!

Keep your fingers crossed and PRAY!

I have my 2nd baseline ultrasound tomorrow morning at 7 am. I pray that the BCP did it's job and the cyst is gone. I'm ready to start injecting myself!!
I had a nice extra long weekend away up at my parents new place in lovely Minot, North Dakota! It was a long drive (8 1/2 hours), but I listened to a book on cd, so that helped the time go by a little quicker. I slept in every morning, went shopping, ate ice cream, sewed a little, watched the olympics and just relaxed! I missed DH and the puppers, but it was nice to be away from them at the same time. I wish they weren't so far away now, but what can you do? You go where the Air Force sends you!
I'm glad my appointment is really early, I can't wait much longer! Let's get this party started!!

Change in plans...

My baseline US didn't go too hot this morning....I have a 36 x 27 mm cyst on my right ovary! So, no drugs for now. I did ask if I could try BCPs to help suppress the cyst, since the last time I had a cyst it took almost 3 cycles for it to really go away. I just check the medvoice line and there was no message, so Dr. B was okay with this plan. Now I will start the BCPs tomorrow night and take until August 13th and go back for another baseline US on the 14th.
The supposed down side to using BCPs to suppress cysts, is that it may be harder to stimulate my ovaries with the Follistim after. I think I would rather chance it, as I am pretty uncomfortable in the abdomen area!
I pray that this goes well. Nothing seems to be working out right now and it's making very angry and depressed. Let's hope this weekend and next week go better!

On to Injectables!

Well, I was able to get in to see my RE today. This was actually the first time I've met her in person! My original RE left the practice so my care was transferred to Dr. B and she just followed the old RE's plan. I really like her. She is to the point and doesn't gloss things over.
She agreed with my reasoning to switch to injectables from clomid now. I will be doing 100iu of Follistim for a few days, beginning day 3, then increasing depending on my US results. Dr. B said our chances are increased from 7-9% with clomid/IUI to 15% with injectables/IUI....I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is.
I've been struggling lately with my relationship with God. I'm reading Water From the Rock, which helps deal with infertility and how to find comfort from God. I want to do so many of the things they state in the book, but I can't get my mind off of the possibility of us never having kids. I think I will have to read that book a few times.
I also think I need to really start reading my Bible daily and truly be "fed" by God!

Big Fat Frickin Negative

I guess I knew it was coming. I just didn't think they'd call me 3 hours after they took my blood!
First IUI was a bust. Hopefully I can get an appointment with the RE tomorrow to discuss moving on to injectables and not miss a cycle.
The sucky part about finding out so quick is that I have to work thru it until 9pm!! Yuck.
I'm trying to be strong but it's hard with so many pregnant people around me. I hate it!

11dpiui & waiting

Well, I tested out my trigger, up until this Tuesday, which was 10 dp trigger. I then decided to test this morning at 11dpiui, and it was negative. I know it's still early, but I lost it as I drove to my sister's house before work this morning.

If it doesn't work this time, we only have three more treatment cycles that are covered by insurance until we either have a baby or have a documented miscarriage. We absolutely can't afford IVF and the same is probably true for adoption. I can't believe we've come this far in trying to get pregnant! I thought it would happen when I wanted it to like everyone else around me.

I have lots of support online, but very little in real life. I guess today is just one of those
rough days. Hopefully next Tuesday won't be worse.

IUI #1 done

Well, my first IUI is now officially done. Having DH give the sperm sample was not fun. I went with to "help" as much as possible. I guess for some reason, I assumed the room wasn't like a regular exam room...boy was I wrong! Very sterile, with a chair and a little tv with tape for the "movie". DH asked me to leave and he did his thing. I feel so awful for him! I know I have to go thru a whole lot more than he does thru this whole process, but I just didn't think it would be that bad! If this one doesn't work, I'm not sure if we'll be able to do anymore IUIs unless we can use the collection condom at home. (BTW, if you are not a Christian you may not understand why the masturbating is such a big deal...email me if you have ?s!)

The actual IUI procedure went smooth. For some reason my clinic doesn't give out too many details on stuff, so I asked for a copy of the insemination report. Sample values were: volume 1.8 ml, concentration 43.5 mil/ml, motility 38%, grade b. The insemination values were concentration 5.6 mil/ml, motility 92%, grade a, total number motile 5.2 mil. The nurse said that was good....I haven't done research on this, but I thought they like that number to be higher...I guess we'll see!

I decided not to tell everyone at work when my beta is...hopefully I'll have good news to share!! It is scheduled for 7/29, two weeks from tomorrow. This is gonna be the longest 2ww yet!

IUI is set for Monday!!

My ultrasound went well this morning. I had one follicle on my right ovary at 17 x 16 mm, and two more just a little smaller. They took blood for my LH and E2 levels. I checked my voicemail at 3:45, like a good girl and there was a message there. They said we were to continue with the plan of Ovidrel injection Saturday night and IUI on Monday morning AND to add the ganirelix acetate injection tonight...the message also said that I already had that injection with me....ummm, no!!! Nobody has ever mentioned it before! So another round of freaking out...the nurse called me after an hour and said she found a vial at a Walgreens 20 minutes from my house, could I go get it? Of course I went....then because the office is closed, they couldn't do the prior auth for it so it cost me $121!!
I just did that injection, it actually hurts a little more than the Ovidrel! Lucky me gets to do another one tomorrow night! I sure hope we don't miss my O!
I found someone on craigslist that was selling the dvd, Yoga 4 Infertility...I'm meeting her to pick that up tomorrow. It better be worth the $5 I'm paying!! Anyone have experience with this? I'm hoping DH and I can do it together to help with stress. The only other thing I can think of that would help with the stress (obviously besides being PG) is winning the lottery, since all this infertility stuff sure is costing a lot and we aren't that far into what it could be! Yikes!
I hope this weekend goes well. We are just hanging out at the house, so it should be good.

1st IUI, 3rd Clomid cycle

AF showed up late Tuesday night, so I went in for Day 2 US on Thursday. No new cysts from the clomid. The one that was on my right ovary from the first round of Clomid is down to 11 x 12 mm. They took blood to check my E2 level and that was fine. There were also 9 antral follicles less than 10 mm on the right and 10 less than 10 on my left ovary.
I had to work late, so by the time I got to the pharmacy to pick up my Rx, it was almost 7pm. They told me that it had not been called in!! I said that couldn't be true, the nurse told me that it had been called in. Finally I decided to just call the on-call number for my clinic. I ended up having to have them paged twice, but the nurse finally called me back, 7 minutes before the pharmacy closed! The staff there was super nice, although the tech had to tell me of all the infertile success stories she knew about (tried for 6 yrs, adopted, then got PG, etc). I thanked them and told them I would let them know if this cycle worked!

Now, I'm up at my parents cabin, which is nice. Except I just found out that my insurance benefits aren't as great as I had originally thought. I thought that my out of pocket max was $1500. That is for me as an individual. For the family (which is still just me, DH is not on plan), it is $3000!!!! I will call them Monday just to be sure about this, but I thought I was almost there for my OOP max!! I just can't win! I would love to have just one good day sometime soon. I just feel like we'll never have a child cause we don't have enough money! I hate money so much!!
Okay, as if the the vag. suppositories weren't enough! There better not be anything else that gets messed up!

Negative...

Well, my beta was negative this morning. I knew that already since I had tested all weekend, so I'm not super sad. I'm ready to start with the next phase of ART, IUI. Since my lining was thin with the Clomid, I'm going to use the Viagra suppositories...hopefully AF shows up soon so I can get my baseline done before Friday the 4th!

Pretty sure it's over...

I'm 12dpo today....I bought some tests online and of course they came in the mail Thursday, just in time for testing on Friday morning! That was a BFN, and so was the one this morning. My beat isn't until Tuesday, so I have 3 1/2 more days to be pissed and sad.

Also, I got a letter from my RE on Wednesday that said my ovarian response to Clomid this time was "adequate", but my endometrial lining was thin at 5.9 mm. We are planning on adding IUI to the mix next cycle. She also wants me to try Viagra vaginal suppositories from the start of Clomid til trigger 4x/day!! That is supposed to increase the blood flow to the uterus and help thicken the lining. What next!?! This is getting old, and I'm not even that far in to treatments!

To top it off, we are up at my parents cabin this weekend, my sister's dog, Ally, got sick early this morning and they ended up bringing her in to an emergency vet. She's a great dane and they are prone to bloat, where their stomach fills with gas and then twists on itself. She was too sick and too old (9, which is old for danes) for them to do anything. Even if they would have done surgery, she probably wouldn't have made it. Very sad...

Now in the 2ww!

I triggered on Saturday, which put me to ovulate Monday. I'm pretty sure I did, since I had lots of cramping all day long. At one point they were so bad I could hardly walk standing straight up! Now I get to wait for two weeks. My beta is scheduled for July 1st. It would be wonderful to get a positive two days before our anniversary! I'm not getting my hopes up though. If this doesn't work, we will probably have to move on to inseminations, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. We'll see!

Good job left ovary!

Well, my left ovary did it's job! I have a couple of 15mm follicles on the left and some smaller on the right. I go back in tomorrow and will probably trigger on Saturday, which means I would ovulate on Monday.....hopefully it all works out this time!! If not, we may be looking at starting inseminations....I really don't want to go there, but we'll see.

Round #2 of Clomid!

Well, the cyst was still there, and about the same size. They had blood drawn to see what my estradiol level was. If it was too high (meaning the cyst is active), I wouldn't be able to do Clomid and have to be put on BC. I never got a message on the voicemail Thursday and my Rx was ready...so I'm now on to Round 2 of Clomid, Ovidrel trigger, TI and prometrium.....hopefully my left ovary will take over some of the hard work that the right one has been putting in and produce a nice couple of follicles!
Man, I hope this works! I really don't know how much more of it I can take! I have a follow up US next Thursday, so we'll see what happens!

Round 2...

AF showed up yesterday afternoon. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but since she did show, I'm glad it was sooner than later! I go in Thursday morning for my Day 3 Ultrasound. Hopefully the cyst on my right ovary is gone and we can start Clomid, trigger, & TI again.
This last break cycle was actually nice! I didn't obsess about TTC hardly at all, which was great. Of course that will change if I get to start the Clomid again, but I'm fine with that. I'll post an udpate when I'm back from the MD tomorrow.

Stupid Cyst!!

AF started Wednesday evening, so today I went in for my Day 3 ultrasound to get this cycle started. Lucky me, I have a 20 x 15 mm cyst on my right ovary!! So, this is a break cycle from Clomid. The nurse said we can still try on our own and to call back when I get my next AF.
This sucks! Why can't anything go even remotely the way it should?! I know this isn't the end of the world and that there are people in much worse (infertility related or not) situations than I am.
My sister-in-law and niece are going to be in the states, specifically D.C., next week for some testing on my niece. I think I am going to look into flying out there to see them, since they are normally so far away in Italy!

Negative Beta

That sucks!! I guess I kinda knew it was gonna be negative, but still. I had a good cry, told DH, my sister, my mom, etc. They feel bad and never know what to say. I wish I had an answer for them! Now I just wait for AF to arrive then we start the whole thing over again. I think if I just focus on that instead of not being PG, I will do better. We'll see if that works!

I think I'm gonna buy a present for myself...actually, it will be for my furbaby too....
http://site.digglerstore.com/products/dirt-dawg.html I think Nissa will love it!!!

Beta is today!!

At this point, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...
I of course tested this weekend, but the 2nd lines that I thought
I saw were so faint...honestly, I'll be shocked if my beta is positive!
I told DH last night that I had tested. I also said that I just really want to
tell him that we're pregnant in a special way. He said, "Me and Nissa will
still love you, even if it's negative!" That just made me love him even more!!
I hope I get to tell him something exciting tonight! I'll post again later today...

1 week left!

Well, I made it thru the first week of my 2ww! Today I am 7dpo. Only 7 more days til the test! The prometrium has been kicking my butt. The bottle says, "May cause drowsiness, May cause dizziness." Not a good thing when I have to take it two hours after breakfast. The second one I take an hour before I go to bed, so that's been nice...it definitely helps me sleep better! I know I should just wait until my beta on May 5th, but I don't know if I can do it. I told my mom that if i just know that I'm PG, then I'll test on Saturday or Sunday. We'll see if that happens! Other than that I've been feeling really good. I've been very good at taking my vitamins everyday, even though I hate taking pills.
My sister did have a miscarriage, confirmed by beta HCG testing. I know she's upset about it, but I think trying really hard not to show it. She says it helps that she already has her 14 month old daughter. I'm there to support her however I can though. I think they will start TTC #2 again as soon as possible. She has another beta on Wednesday to make sure the numbers have dropped even more.

She's doing okay.

I went with my sister to her appt this morning. She is still bleeding and has cramping off and on. The nurse midwife (only one that could see her today) wasn't really swayed one way or the other about what was going on. She had blood drawn for a beta HCG test. She'll have another blood draw for that on Wednesday. Depending on the numbers, she'll have an ultrasound on Thursday. Pray that everything is okay.
I definitely O'd this morning!! I've had pretty bad O pains and cramping on my right side since 9 or 10 am. They've never been this bad before! I can hardly walk and sitting at my desk is the only comfortable position (since I can't lay down on the floor!). I'm so glad we aren't in clinic today, I don't think I would have made it!! Now we wait for two weeks. Yay...

Sad news...

My twin sister is miscarrying as I type this. I feel so awful for her right now. She told me she doesn't want people telling her that "it just wasn't meant to be"!!! I told her unfortunately, that's what dumb people say when things like this happen! She called urgent care and they weren't much help, imagine that! She will call her MD's office in the morning and try to get in for a beta test. She has minor cramping, so maybe, just maybe that little emby is holding on. Please pray for her!

As for me, I'm having mild bloating and cramping on my right side since the trigger injection last night. This is gonna be a long 2ww!!

Trigger is Tonight!!

My ultrasound went well this morning. There were 3 very good sized follicles on my right ovary. The NP said all three should ovulate (not sure if that is the correct way to say that!). I have to do the trigger injection (Ovidrel) around 7pm tonight, which would make me ovulate around 7am on Monday....I also have my beta pregnancy test scheduled for May 5th...that's 16 days away! This is going to be the longest 2ww I've ever had!

The follies are growing!!

I had another internal ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. The biggest follicle was 14 mm x 13 mm on the right ovary. There were several others that were smaller, but still bigger than 10 mm. The left ovary had a few over 10 mm, but not quite as big as the right. The NP said the Clomid is doing its job! I forgot to ask what my lining was at, I will have to do that when I go back in on Saturday. My hopes are starting to lift, but not too high!

Yesterday's appt

Yesterday, Monday, I had my first follow up ultrasound since I took Clomid last week. The nurses were very pleased with my ovaries progress so far! There are several follicles around 11 x 10 mm in each ovary. They took blood as well, I believe testing my E2 (estradiol) level, and I was supposed to get the results after 3pm, but there was no message. I go back on Thursday morning for another ultrasound and b/w. Hopefully my follies have grown well! They would like them to be 20 mm or so for me to do the Ovidrel (HCG) trigger injection to induce ovulation. Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. So far I really have not had any side effects from the Clomid...Pray that it stays that way!

So far, so good.

Nothing exciting to report. I really haven't had any symptoms other than a mild headache since starting the Clomid on Monday. That may be because I've also tried to stop drinking caffeinated pop!! I really don't have that much, maybe 1-2 cans per day, but that's still too much. It's weird cause I really crave pop a lot! Don't know how to change that one! DH has been really great lately. I got him the Smurfs, season 1 on DVD for his B-Day (which is Monday the 14th), and gave it to him a week early. He absosmurfley loves it!!! :)

In other exciting (for them, not necessarily for me) news...my twin sister found out she is PG with #2....just took tests this week, so very early...but sheesh! I'm happy for them, but sad for me. She doesn't understand what I'm going thru, and I don't think she ever will. This is the one thing in our life that we can't "share" or really know what the other is feeling. It has been difficult for me. I've tried telling her that, but she doesn't get it.
My brother and his new wife found out that the baby they are expecting is a BOY!!! They also moved her due date up to August 21st from September 1st. Another exciting thing for someone else. Of course I'm happy for them, even excited for them. I'm just so sad for us.
In the back of my mind I keep thinking how exciting it would be for all three of us to be PG at the same time...but at the same time I don't like thinking about that, because what if it doesn't actually happen?! With the way stuff has gone in the past 2 1/2 years...I just don't truly see that happening.
I know I should be positive about this working, but why would it actually work now?!?

Appt today

My appointment went fine this morning. No bloodwork, just the lovely internal ultrasound! Everything looked good and I'm ready to start Clomid 50mg this evening! Nothing else really exciting going on....

Here we go!!

Tomorrow I go in for my day 3 blood work and ultrasound and will also get my Rx for Clomid. I'm a little nervous and a little excited. I don't want to get my hopes up that this could actually help us get PG. That sounds silly to the average person, but to someone who's been disappointed sooo many times (hmm, try like 33 times to be exact!) in the past, I guess I'm just thinking that way to protect myself. I pray that Clomid doesn't turn me into a monster!
I will post more after my appt tomorrow morning!!

Back from Phase II appt with RE

Well, it looks like we are unexplained!
All of my bloodwork and ultrasounds came back normal.
DH's SA results weren't great, but not so bad that he
would say we have MFI. So....
We are going to start out slow and easy, by just doing
50 mg of Clomid this next cycle with a HCG trigger.
We will try that 1-2 cycles and if not PG, add IUI.
We'll do Clomid/IUI for 2-3 cycles and if not PG, switch to
injectibles/IUI for 2-3 cycles.
I'm really glad we have a plan now. I know this is still no
guarantee that we'll get PG, but at least we are increasing
those chances a little. I'm also a little nervous about ta
I'm going to my first RESOLVE meeting tonight, hopefully I'll
meet some people that are at a similar stage to me.

1st entry...

Well, here goes!
I'm definitely not a writer, but I think this will help me deal with my emotions when it comes to our fertility/babymaking issues!
I will write more later, once I get those creative juices flowing!