Change of plans

Sorry for not updating after my last post, there really hasn't been too much to update on!  The title says it all!  My plans did not come to fruition, again.  I applied for financing to cover the shared-risk program thru Springstone.  When I got the email back, I was soooo excited! It said, congratulations, you've been approved for financing!  A few more sentences into it, I learned that we were only approved for less than half of what I had requested!!  Big huge bummer!!  Unfortunately we don't have an extra $25,000 laying around.  We decided to try on our own for a few months, again, and also try to figure out the financial part of it.

I think we may do some sort of fundraising, but I need to talk more to my mom and sister about that.  My sister was at a tupperware party earlier this week and found out that if you host a party, including a catalog show, you earn something-like 50% of your sales!  That would definitely be a good start.  I'm also thinking about starting an account/campaign on indiegogo, an online, international way to raise money for anything!!  Before I knew we would for sure have to raise money, I didn't think anything of it.  Now that we have to if we want to do IVF, it feels weird to even think about asking people for money!!

Have any of you fundraised for IVF?  What did you do?

Moving on to IVF...

So I had my baseline ultrasound this morning and what did they find??  A huge cyst on my right ovary!!  3.1 cm x 2.8 cm.  I got a call later saying my estrogen was really high and that they were going to add a pregnancy test to my bloodwork just to be sure.  I knew I wasn't pregnant since we hadn't BD'd for at least a week before my surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I was right.  She said to call next CD1 and we'd try again.  I told her that with today's visit, I won't likely have enough to insurance coverage for an IUI at this point, so I'd rather just move on to IVF.  I asked her what the protocol would be or the next steps and she said that the next round that I could get in on would be the end of July.  That works out well for us, as we will be going to Portland, OR for 5 days mid-July for one of DH's younger sister's wedding.  It also gives us time to plan a fundraising event.  My RE needs to look at my chart and will let me know early next week if DH and I need to come in for additional testing or if he will just write the protocol for us...I'm hoping for the latter.  Of course we will try on our own until then, but I'm definitely not expecting much to happen!  :)
Now, we wait!  I haven't heard anything back from the first IVF grant that I've applied for and need to check in to see when the next one is due.  I really can't believe that my body is not cooperating!  We will likely do shared-risk (as long as we qualify for it--I can't imagine we won't) and then apply for financing.  This August will be our 7th year of trying to get pregnant...six IUIs, three different types of ovary-stimulating drugs, 2 different REs, 3 surgeries and 2 surgeons later, we are no closer to having a baby.  I can't believe how easy all the people around me are able to get pregnant!  I don't like comparing infertility journeys, but trying for 2 or even 3 years is nothing!!!  I'm sick of being jealous of every pregnant person I see and practically every child that I see!!  I'm sick of the roller coaster ride of infertility and just want to be pregnant and have a baby!  I know that IVF is not a guarantee by any means, but if we don't do it, I will regret it for the rest of my life.  And if anyone tries to tell us to just adopt, they will get a mouthful from me!!  This whole journey isn't easy, I don't understand why I get to go thru it and have no idea how or when it will end....but, I'm not giving up!  I will not quit!!

Surgery is done!

Surgery went well.  There wasn't too much endometriosis that had returned.  He drained four cysts from my ovaries and removed some scar tissue.  He told me to go home and make a baby!!  :)  I had a hard time waking up from the anesthesia (nothing new), so ended up staying in the hospital for a night.  We didn't leave until 3pm yesterday afternoon.  I'm super sore across my abdomen.  I have five or six small incisions.  This is definitely a harder recovery than my first lap, but not quite as bad as after my laparotomy.  My mom is leaving later today, so I'll mostly be stuck in the house until DH comes home from work every day.  I had planned on going back to work next Tuesday--a week after surgery--but I'm not sure if I'll be ready by then!!  My health and recovery is more important right now, especially since I have the paid time off to take.

Surgery tomorrow

My laparoscopy is tomorrow morning at 7:30.  I'm as ready as I'll ever be!  The clear liquid diet today hasn't been fun...mostly because I've been hungry!  Jello, popsicles and chicken broth sure aren't satisfying!  I'm excited to have more answers on this roller coaster ride of infertility.
I'll try to post sometime after surgery!

A little change in plans...repeat laparoscopy scheduled

Third Follistim/IUI was a bust.  At my baseline ultrasound for the current cycle, my ovaries had several cysts, so we are not doing any treatment.  My RE is a little concerned that my endometriosis is coming back and one of the cysts on my left ovary (that's been there since we started with him in January) is an endometrioma.  He then gave his recommendations of:  1) stop all treatment and either TTC naturally, move on to adoption or live childfree;  2) do one or two more Follistim/IUI cycles (my insurance coverage will max out with one more);  3)see OB that he highly recommends for repeat laparoscopy and do IUI(s) afterwards;  4) move on to IVF.   

I saw new OB today for a consult.  He did recommend a laparoscopy with possible use of the DaVinci robotic surgery if there is a lot of work to be done when he gets in!  He also recommended doing the surgery prior to doing the last IUI, as my chances are increased right after surgery.  So...I am scheduled for surgery on May 22nd!!  Most people would think I'm crazy, but I'm excited!!  I've been thru it before, as well as laparotomy which was a lot harder recovery, so it is very doable!!  Until then, we will TTC naturally this cycle.

Because IVF is a very real possibility in the near future, I've been searching for ways to help pay for it.  We would likely do the shared-risk thru the Attain IVF program, which includes 3 fresh IVF cycles and 3 Frozen Embryo Transfers (it would go fresh, frozen, fresh, frozen, etc.).  I have found several grants that are available to apply for.  The first one is due April 30th, so I need to get everything together for that application!!  

I also "came out" on FB last week.  I had a few people comment about doing a fundraiser or something to help us out.  DH has been against this, because it just doesn't seem right to have other people "pay" for our potential children!!  A few days later, he mentioned that we could do a golf outing, so I think he's coming around to the idea!!

I'm praying and hoping that it doesn't come to that, but I feel better knowing we have options!  

I've been trying to post everyday on FB this week for National Infertilty Awareness Week..  I really hope I can inform a few people about infertility!!

Maybe different is a good thing??

So my ultrasound yesterday (cd8) was not like the past two cycles.  I had a few debris-filled cysts and she didn't really measure any follies.  My lining was a 6B though, and she said that was good and that something was happening in there!  She's not my favorite nurse practitioner there, super nice, but doesn't show me the US screen much, and always seems to say something that makes me worry!!  They did bloodwork for E2 and never called, so it must have been okay.  I go back in on Saturday morning to the Minneapolis clinic...it's awkward going there since I don't know the staff like I do at the St. Paul clinic.

Any tips on how to stay super positive about all of this??  Some days (well, most days really) I can't believe that we've been trying to get pregnant for 6 years and 7 months!!  That's the majority of our marriage...13 months without trying, that's it.  I'm feeling really down about TTC right now, hopefully I'll snap out of it soon!  :)

3rd time's a charm???

Sorry for not keeping this updated...I don't think many people even read this blog anymore!! Anyways...Our first two Follistim/IUI cycles with new RE were unsuccessful.  I go in for a follie/US check and bloodwork tomorrow morning.  My ovaries have been responding really well to the Follistim, almost too well!  If only my insurance covered IVF or we could afford it without taking out a loan...it is sooooo frustrating that my choice to become a mother comes down to finances and not just plain 'ol sex!!!!  It also doesn't help that our chances with IUI are only around 12-13% each cycle...just crazy!
I promise to update tomorrow if any of you out there are still reading!!  ;)

ETA:  I admit I haven't been a great commenter lately either, so I promise to get better at that too!!  :)

Here we go!

I had my baseline US on Thursday morning and started Follistim in the evening.  I am on 75 iu each night until reck US on Tuesday morning.  I looked back at my cycles from 2008 and I stimmed for 9 days at this dose, so we'll see how it goes this time around.  My very first cycle on Follistim that RE had me at 100 and 125 iu and we had to cancel due to 8 follies maturing!!  I'm hoping we can really control things and get three or four good follies and DH gets great numbers after the wash.

I've been taking my prenatal vitamin (gummies!) and baby aspirin since cd1, so just need to keep up on that.  I'm thinking about adding in other supplements or even superfoods, but not sure where to even start!!  I haven't really thought about this for awhile...any ideas?  What do you eat and/or drink and what pills do you take before and after IUI??  :)

New Year, New Hope

Wow!  I can't believe I haven't posted on here since the end of August!  The break was definitely needed and well worth it.  The biggest news since posting last is that DH got a new full-time, non-commission job in October!!  It's in sales, he's good at it, and he gets benefits.

As for the TTC thing...we "tried" on our own every cycle while on the break, but without success.  We made the decision (with the advice/referral from my OB/GYN) to see a new Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. M.  That appointment was two weeks ago.  I was able to get DH to go to the appointment with me.  We both really liked the clinic staff, the nurse practitioner, Sue and Dr. M.  They both took the time to review all of my records that I brought in and faxed to them. 

Dr. M did an ultrasound since I was on CD10 and found a 13mm follie on my left ovary and I believe my lining was around 8mm.  He said that I've seen a lot of doctors, come at this from a lot of different angles, and have had a lot of testing done--maybe even a bit more than he would normally do.  He basically said we have three choices...go home and do nothing; do IUI with injectables; do IVF. We discussed our hesitancy for IVF--finances, multiples, and worry over having leftover embryos. He said most people don't have leftovers to freeze...definitely less than 50% do, said the biology of it is that embryos just aren't that great--either the egg is bad or the sperm is bad or they are bad together.  He wouldn't transfer more than two, especially in me with my small frame.  In his 30 years of practice, he has only had 4 sets of quads, a handful of triplets and many twins (I think he said a busful or two). 
As for IUI, he said to forget the oral drugs...been there, done that! He recommends Follistim with one IUI, and would like to stim me to 3 or 4 eggs since one isn't cutting it. He also said he will do a total of 6 IUIs, and I believe we did 2 back in 2008.  Depending on how stuff goes, I'm guessing I'll be able to get 3 IUIs with my insurance coverage. 

We also briefly discussed FET of donated embryos.  This clinic does not have a program, but if we are matched with embryos either thru ReproTech (a cryo storage bank--which has a 2-3 year wait list!) or private party, they would do the FET.  All good to know.  I need to put our name on the list at ReproTech just in case since the wait there is so long. 
So, now we wait and see what happens with this current natural cycle.  I will know in about a week or so and if I'm not pregnant, we'll start IUI/Follistim with monitoring. 

I'm really excited to have a plan again.  I don't regret seeing Dr. H in Omaha at all, am grateful for all he did for me, but I just feel I've come to a point that I need to be treating with a local doctor with monitoring.  I look forward to 2012 and all that may come with it!!  :)